Don't
by AbayJ
Summary: Courney and Jason will they had tried.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Don't

**Author**: AbayJ

**Genre**: Romance/Angst/Songfic/WIP

**Rating**: T-M

**Disclaimer**: I own nada, but if I owned General Hospital, we would have Jason **BEGGING** on his **HANDS** and **KNEES** to get Courtney back. SaSank and Jaxass would be stuck in Antarctica trying to find their way back to PC and ya know they wouldn't survive, KM would have to put on enough clothes to cover up her breast, that just wouldn't work!

**Summery**: Courtney and Jason wished they would have tried.

**Author's Note**: This is a WIP is basically a serious of songfics based on the same plot. Each chapter will have a song…and will be a songfic. I am not the best at updating requarly but reviews is one way to get me too.

**Author's Note Two**: All chapters except chapter four have been edited by my wonderful beta! Thanks Linda.

* * *

**Chapter One: Don't**

Courtney walked over to the door, knocking softly. Not wanting to be here, not wanting to face him or her. It hurt. Like someone was stabbing her heart with a knife over and over again. Did he ever feel like this?

Probably not. He had her, Hope, and everything she had never been able to give him. She still cursed the person that had said love was enough, it wasn't. It just gave false hope to people like her.

Knocking one more time, a little harder this time. If one of them didn't answer the door this time, she would leave. These papers could wait a day or two, right? She could have Carly give them to Jason. That way she wouldn't have to see Sam.

Part of her hated that woman. The woman who had everything she had ever wanted. A baby, a family, and most of all Jason. She had Jason's rings on her hand while hers were around her neck. She had Jason's child. She had Jason's love.

_Don't... don't you wish we tried?  
Do you feel what I feel inside?  
You know our love is stronger than pride... oh  
No don't... don't let your anger grow  
Just tell me what you need me to know  
Please talk to me, don't close the door_

She had nothing. Nothing but a lonely bed and an even lonelier life.

She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the door creek open. He hadn't oiled the door yet, she thought to herself, not able to hide the smile. Then she looked up into hard cold blue eyes. Eyes that looked haunted and tired. It was like looking into a mirror.

"Hello Jason," she said softly. Proud of herself, she didn't let her voice crack and did not show the emotion that she didn't want him to see.

Would it ever get easier to see him? Would it ever stop hurting? Feeling her rings move against her breast like a silent answer, she closed her eyes.

Damn him, she thought to herself. It wasn't fair. He looked so good, even haggard. It took her hours to get to what she looked like right now and it wasn't even near close to what she used to look like when she had his love.

_Hmmm, 'cause I wanna hear you  
I wanna be near you _

Don't fight, don't argue  
Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry  
Just let me love you  
Don't turn me away  
Don't tell me to go

"Hello Courtney," his tone was dull, like he wished she was anywhere else but here. It dug the knife even further into her heart.

"I wanted to drop off the copies of Hope's adoption papers," she said, her voice cracking softly. She cursed herself for the slip. She couldn't let him see her pain. Not after what he had said at the loft during the blizzard. It was true, you could say more if you were silent and his silence had said everything she had needed to hear.

He was over her, she just wished she was over him. She wished that she could get past everything they had been through and fully move on like he had. She had thought she could move on too. With Jax. She had thought Jax would be her way of moving on.

She had been wrong though. Nothing had worked. But dammit, why had he been able to get through this? Get past the pain. Damn him, damn him to hell, she thought to herself.

"Uh….thanks but I think…I think you may want to keep them. Me and Sam might need to change a few things in them," he said softly. Opening the door wider, he let her step through. She looked around, not seeing any changes. It was just the way she had left it.

_Don't!... Don't give up on trust  
Don't give up on me, on us  
If we could just hold on long enough _

Hmmm, we can do it  
we'll get through it

"What--what changes would those be?" she asked softly, turning around to face him. Her legs backed against the chair. Her arms crossed under her breasts, pushing the fullness up. She felt Jason's eyes on them before she saw him stare.

He had always said that if he had to pick a physical feature that he found most sexy about her, it was a tie between her eyes and her breasts. When they made love, he would spend so much time loving each breast. He would always tell her how beautiful she was. She closed her eyes against the memories. Dwelling in the past didn't help any.

Remembering only made the gaping wound in her heart hurt even more. It was like she was slowly adding salt to it before rubbing it in. She tried to not let her gaze fall from his eyes. She didn't want to look at his chest or how the t-shirt stretched over the wide expanse of firm chest. A chest that her lips had explored. A chest that her hands had stroked and gripped during the climax of making love.

Closing her eyes one more time, she decided that she couldn't do this anymore. She had to get out of here. He could come to her office where she could better control her emotions. Even if she had been fantasizing what it would be like to make love to him in a chair. Her swivel chair. Would it move around as she rode him hard?

Feeling her womanhood dampen she nearly screamed. She couldn't do this. Not now, maybe not ever. "Co--come to my office when you….when you are Sam are ready," her voice cracked with tears that she tried to swallow and couldn't.

_Don't fight, don't argue  
Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry  
Just let me love you  
Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go _

Walking past him, she quickened her pace and the wide space grew even wider. Not wanting to touch his body against hers, knowing if she did, she might not be able to control what she felt or did. But she didn't get far. His hand curled over her wrist and pulled her close.

Her body slammed against his with a thud. Their thighs touching and her hands splayed across his chest. Gripping the t-shirt in her fist, she looked up and saw his blue eyes turn darker knowing her's also were.

Their lips were only a hair breath apart. All she would have to do is stand on her tiptoes to kiss the firm lips she had missed so much. "What are we doing?" she whispered. Her voice breathy and he only shook his head at her question and did what his body had wanted to do. His lips fell over to her, kissing her like he used to.

His tongue swiped across her lips before she opened her mouth. Letting him enter, his tongue tangled with hers. The warning bells in her head went off, but her heart was in the driver's seat and she continued to kiss him. Tangling her tongue with his. His lips hard, but his tongue gentle as he probed her mouth.

_Don't pretend that it's okay  
Things won't get better that way  
Don't do something you might regret someday...  
Don't! _

Don't give up on me  
Hmm, Don't!  
(We can do it) We'll get through it

Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling his body even closer to her own. Feeling his moan vibrate in her mouth as his erection settled against her belly. Finally though, her brain found it's way to the front seat and she pressed against his chest, breaking the kiss. "I…we….I can't do this," she said in a rush, turning and all but running to the door.

What had she been thinking! He was married and not to her. He wasn't hers anymore. But didn't she wish he was? Didn't she want him to be hers?

That was a stupid question, of course she did, but they could never be. Not anymore, too many things had changed, she had changed, and Jason wasn't the same Jason she had fallen in love with. Not even close.

_Don't fight, don't argue  
Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry  
Just let me love you  
Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go _

Don't! (Don't fight dont argue)  
Don't give up on me  
(Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry)  
Say that that I'm sorry  
(Just let me love you)  
Don't give up on me  
(Don't turn me away)  
Don't tell me to go

She shook her head, her fingers trembling as she pushed the down button on the elevator, wishing it would hurry up. 'Why did you have to wear heels?' the voice said in the back of her head. If she had worn sensible shoes, she would have taken the stairs.

"Come on dammit," she said hearing the door opening, and she knew it was too late. He would want answers, answers she wasn't sure she could give him or even if he would want to hear them. But if he didn't, why did he kissed her? Too many conflicting emotions tore at her.

"Courtney don't, wait, please," he said, his voice hoarse and she turned to face him and she knew she was lost. His eyes glistened with tears and all the unsaid words she had wished he would have said in the loft during the blizzard. She saw her Jason, just a little bit of him, but at least now she knew he wasn't lost forever.

_Don't!  
(Don't fight don't argue)  
Don't give up on me  
(Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry)  
Say that that I'm sorry  
(Just let me love you)  
Dont give up on me  
(Don't turn me away)  
Don't tell me to go... _

* * *

**Author's Note Three**: Don't belongs to Shania Twain 


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: A thanks goes out to two special women, Linda for making this chapter perfect! And for Sheila for helping me pick out this song which I would have never figured out with her help!

* * *

**Chapter Two: Goodbye To You**

She couldn't do this. She wouldn't do this. No matter how much her heart wanted to. She wasn't going to stay. She wasn't going to let him step all over her heart. The fragile piece couldn't take that again. Putting herself out there to get hurt would be stupid. Hadn't he shown that she wasn't want he had wanted?

"Please stay," he said again. He moved away from the door and towards her. She sent a quick glance at the elevator and willed it to come. He felt the heat radiating off his body, making her body respond to his. Her skin became flush and her body wanted what it couldn't have. It wanted what it would never be able to have again.

_Of all the things I've believed in  
I just want to get it over with  
Tears form behind my eyes  
But I do not cry  
Counting the days that pass me by_

"Don't do this Jason," her voice sounded weak to her own ears. His hand touched her face and she couldn't stop her cheek from leaning into his hand. She couldn't stop her heart from calling out to him. She was losing herself, she knew it. She was losing herself to him again. Something she couldn't do, not unless she was ready to get broken all over again. Not unless she was ready to be able to pick the pieces up once again.

The ding of the elevator brought her back, just barely though. Part of her was shouting to stay. To fall back into the arms you so want around you, while the other part of her was shouting for her to get the out of there. Run as fast as you can and as far too.

_I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
It feels like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend  
And I said, _

She pulled away from his hand and it nearly broke her all over again. She saw that his eyes were glassy, mirroring her own. Both filled with hurt and longing. But it wouldn't last, it never did. They weren't meant to be. Love didn't fix all. No matter what the books or movies said. It didn't fix everything, like we wanted to believe. It only hurt, only broke people, and only made tears fall.

"No...I...I can't Jason," she said, stepping in the elevator. Turning around she saw a single tear slip down his cheek, just like the one that slipped down hers as the elevator shut. Like the door shutting on them. Just like a page turning in the book of their lives.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to _

* * *

Jason felt the tears, but he ignored them. He cursed himself. What had he been thinking? Had he really believed she would have come running back into his arms like he wanted? After all that he had put her through? Yes, he had. He had thought that if he had charmed her, kissed her, and made her want him, it would have been that simple. With most women, it might have been.

Courtney wasn't most women. Courtney was his other half, his soul mate. But he had thrown it away, thrown it away for a lousy mistake, a slut, and a child that was never his. He let her go, lied to her, and made her feel like their love was just something he could throw away and not think about it.

_I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light  
But it's not right _

Hell, part of him thought he could have. He had lied to himself, making him believe that he could. It worked, except at night, when thoughts came back to him. Thoughts of their marriage, their life, and their love. It came back to him when it rained. When they took their first and last kiss. Where they both had let go, but they could never really let go of each other. Never. They both meant too much to each other. Even if both of them had moved on, it wasn't the same.

They had moved on because they were broken and thought they needed healing hands, but those breaks never heal. They only get bandaged. When it finally comes time to rip it off when your healed, it hurts like hell. But what's worse is when you find out it's not really healed, it still bleeds if you touch it.

That was them, that was Courtney to him. God, he was so stupid. He had let the one thing that made him human slip right from his grasp.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to _

* * *

Courtney walked into her home. A place that once been their home.

Shaking her head, it was time to move. It was time to get another place. This place just brought it all back. All the times they had made love here. The times where they had almost let go but found solace in each other, found another piece of themselves to share with one another.

The tears were still falling. Both sides of her heart were screaming at her. One wanted her to run back, run back into his arms and forget the past. The other wanted her to grab a plane ticket and go to Siberia, what could remind her of Jason there?

_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine  
I want you  
But I'm not giving in this time _

She moved towards the closet and grabbed a suitcase She grabbed her clothes and stuffed them into the suitcase. They'd all be wrinkled when she got to wherever she was going, but she didn't care. No, if need be she would buy whatever she needed when she got there. She was a millionaire for God sakes.

When the closet and all the drawers were cleared, she moved to the living room and opened the keepsake box she had on the coffee table. She took out a picture of Michael, her, Jason, Carly(who was pregnant with Morgan) and Sonny. The all looked so happy and in love. The next picture was of Morgan, cuddled in her arms. She smiled down at the little boy. It was taken just a few days after he had come home from the hospital. Jason had taken the picture.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to _

A tear dropped onto the picture and she took out the last one. Her wedding picture. His arms were around her from behind. Both had huge smiles on their faces. Happy and in love. It seemed like nothing could ever ruin their love.

How easily it had. She put the pictures on the table, spread out. She grabbed her teddy bear that had been sitting on the couch. Hugging it to herself, her sobs racked her body. She looked at the pictures that felt like they were taken a lifetime ago.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

How had it all slipped away so fast?

_And when the stars fallI will lie awake  
You're my shooting star_

* * *

**Author's Note Two**: The song Goodby To You belongs too Michelle Branch. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Autor's Note**: This chapter, which will help the story move along, stems from my hate of GaP for not including Courtney, a second mother to the boys, in the kidnapping S/L. So this story will be blending in with it! Plus that hug we got on 3/8 also gave me inspiration! Love Journey hugs. Please read and review! I hope everyone like this chapter. I wasn't sure about this song, took me forever to find it, I kinda thought it fits but not sure. So you tell me!

**Author's Note Two**: Thank you to Linda for all your help with my fics!

* * *

**Chapter Three: Whenever You Call**

She looked at the glowing board, seeing the times and dates. Twenty more minutes. Then she would be on her way, to Barcelona. Jason's memory would still be there; it would always be with her. It had taken her a whole night and a half of crying to figure that out. Most of her clothes had damp spots from the tears that had fallen on them. Not that it really mattered. They would be wrinkled anyway.

Right now though, the lightweight suit was okay for the trip. She was leaving Port Charles. Something she never thought she would do. She was leaving her family, her home, and her heart. Leaving it all like a thief in the night. No one knew where she was going. No one even knew she was leaving, or at least they wouldn't until Carly got a letter in the mail. A letter that left her the charity and let her know that she was alright. She wrote of the reason why she was leaving and asked Carly to promise not to speak of this to Jax or Jason.

Plopping down on one of the cold hard chairs, she glanced at the clock and let out a long sigh. Seeing that she still had another fifteen minutes until boarding, she realized she had more time to think, to change her mind, to go running back into his arms.

The jingle from her purse snapped her out of her thoughts. She had meant to shut the damn thing off. Letting out another long sigh, she grabbed it and saw CarlyBabes on the caller ID. Did she want to deal with this right now?

It rang again and she flipped it open, pressing it to her ear. "Carly?" she asked. "What's up?"

_Love wandered inside  
Stronger than you  
Stronger than I  
And now that it has begun  
We cannot turn back  
We can only turn into one_

"Courtney…I need you," said her friend's voice. She could tell she had been crying and still was. Hearing the pain in the voice, her mind sprung to action. Imagining everything that could go wrong, she felt the need to run to her friend and protect her.

"What is it Carly," she said softly, grabbing her travel case and making her way to luggage claim. The trip was now the furthest thing from her mind.

"Michael and Morgan are gone." Those five words stopped her dead in her tracks. Her heart was pounding and her hands began to shake. Trying to stay calm.

"What do you mean they're gone? Did Michael run away again?" she asked. It was something he had done before. He came to her place a lot, sometimes with Morgan and sometimes alone. Looking upwards, she prayed that was the case, but the nagging feeling in her head said it wasn't.

_I won't ever be too far away to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call  
And I'll always remember  
The part of you so tender  
I'll be the one to catch your fall  
Whenever you call_

"No…Courtney, someone kidnapped them…" Carly broke off again, her sobs evident over the line.

"I'll be there," she said quickly, trying make out Carly's words. Hanging up, she forgot about her luggage and quickly made her way out of the airport. She grabbed a taxi and payed him extra to speed.

* * *

Jason looked over at his best friend, seeing the worry around his eyes. "They'll be fine," he whispered, praying he was right.

"**MY CHILDREN ARE GONE JASON**!" Sonny's shout rang through the room, making Carly's tears fall faster and Sam wince. He watched as Carly made her way to Sonny, taking him into her arms. She was trying to comfort him.

_And I'm truly inspired  
Finding my soul  
They're in your eyes  
And you have opened my heart  
And lifted me inside  
By showing me yourself  
Undisguised_

Then he felt a hand slide over his shoulder, and this time it was his turn to wince. Sam's small hand squeezed his shoulder. Letting him know for the twentieth time she was there. Why she was, was still a mystery to him. She wasn't needed. Not by him, Carly, Sonny, or the boys, but she came anyway. She told him that she wanted to be there for him and Sonny, not to mention the boys.

That almost made him laugh. The boys, well Michael, despised her. Morgan was too young, not that he took well to her clawing at his small body.

The woman he thought would be here wasn't. Courtney. After she had left last night, nothing made sense to him. Then Sonny called and told him what happened causing the pain of last night to disappear, at least for a little while. It would never be over. His heart would always ache for her, always want and need her.

"**CARLY**!" Everyone heard the shout and everyone knew who it was. Jason felt the world begin to slip from him. She was here? Why? Who had called her? Then he looked over at his best friend and realized who it was. He watched Carly's eyes light up for the first time tonight. He watched her run to her best friend as soon as Courtney walked in, both of their tears falling.

_And I won't ever be too far away to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call  
And I'll always remember  
That part of you so tender  
I'll be the one to catch your fall  
Whenever you call_

He knew that Courtney was trying to keep it together, to comfort her friend. This made him want to go to her even more. To comfort her.

After a few minutes, Carly pulled away and looked at her. She gave her a small smile, which was the best she could do under the circumstances.

Courtney put her hands on her best friend's face and wiped the tears away, "It's going to be alright," her soft voice said. Then her hands fell away when she saw him and Sam, standing close together. Her tears started to fall for another reason.

Jason only sighed, watching Courtney and Carly's embrace. It almost reminded him how he used to comfort Courtney, how he wanted to right now.

_And I will breathe for you each day  
Comfort you through all the pain  
Gently kiss your fears away  
Mmm  
You can turn to me and cry  
Always understand that I  
Give you all that I am inside_

"Jason, Sam," she said tightly, not meeting Jason's eyes. Not that he was sure he could have met her's anyway. The pain was still too raw and the gash still open.

"Courtney," Sam said in the whiny voice that he was beginning to hate. Once again, he asked why she was here. Why did Sam have to come?

"Courtney, can we talk for a minute?" Jason's words came out before he could stop them. Watching the four sets of eyes fall on him, all asking a different question. "Please."

"Uh….um sure," Courtney said softly. She walked through the big office door with one hand squeeze from or to Carly, he wasn't sure on that. Then he followed. Feeling all the eyes burn into his back, he shut the door behind him.

Looking at his wife…ex-wife, seeing the tears fall softly and slowly. "Ho…how long have they been gone," she asked on a sob, running a hand through her hair. A gesture that she was known for.

_And I won't ever be too far away to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call_

"A day…almost a day and half," he told her softly, moving closer to her. He was barely resisting the urge to pull her to him, to comfort her.

"Are…are…God, Jason will they be okay, honestly?" she asked. She sounded so broken and alone. Watching her wrap her arms around herself and moved against the wall. She leaned against it, her sobs racking her body.

"Yes, don't lose faith Courtney, not yet," he told her quickly, moving to her again, but he stopped, just keeping his eyes on her.

"They're….oh….God….Jason…I love the—them so much," she told him, as she slowly slid down the wall. Pulling her knees to her chest she wrapped her arms around them. She rocked back and forth as she cried. Then it all broke loose. He moved to her and wrapped his arms around her form. He buried his face in her hair and whispered nothings to her. He gave his warmth to her chilled body.

"Shh, I'm here Courtney, I'll always be here," he told her, holding her like a small child.

_I won't ever be too far to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call  
I'll always remember  
That part of you so tender  
And be the one to catch your fall  
Whenever you call  
Whenever you call  
Whenever you call _

* * *

**Author's Note Three**: Whenever You Call belongs to Mariah Carey 


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note**: Really unsure about the song, so let me know whatcha think. Also this is the un-edited chapter so all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

* * *

**Chapter Four: Journey to the Past**

When Jason awoke, he noticedthree things first, the crick in his neck, the feeling of something sticky on his forehead, and lastly, he noticed a plush and warm body that was not unfamiliar in his arms. Looking down, he saw the red swollen eyes of his wife….ex-wife, he head was buried in his chest and she looked so peaceful. Trying to limit his movements the best he could so he wouldn't wake her up, he rotated his neck to try and get the crick at it and than removing the yellow sticky that had been stuck to his head.

He noticed Carly's handwriting and let a slight grin spread on his lips as he read it. 'Kept Sam away, took me a while, but finally did it….came close to knocking her out but Sonny stopped me. Lucky her, you and Courtney are so cute! Sleep and keep he okay….she's hurting,' was what the yellow sticky said. Yeah, Sam was lucky Sonny did stop Carly, or should have done it.

Looking back down at Courtney, he couldn't help but let a full fledge smile break out on his face. Letting his hand stroke down the long blonde hair that felt like corn silk, he remembered all the times it had brushed his chest as she straddled his waist and took him deep into her core and back out again. Over and over again until the both reached the peak and came with deafening screams.

Sighing, he removed his hand from the tresses and patted her shoulder gently. "Courtney," he whispered.

_Heart, don't fail me now!  
Courage, don't desert me!  
Don't turn back  
Now that we're here  
People always say  
Life is full of choices  
No one ever mentions fear!  
Or how a road can seem so long  
How the world can seem so vast  
Courage see me through  
Heart I'm trusting you  
On this journey...to the past_

Michael and Morgan were waiting to him to save them. He needed to get going, needed to think of someway to save them. Courtney would help him…they would do this together. One last time they would work together and than they would par ways again. He needed to be with her one more time.

"Courtney, wake up," he shook her again and watched her slowly come awake. Opening her sea blue eyes that were so deep, turning then to his and he felt the spark. The spark wasn't dead. Probably would never be.

"Jason…where…what is going on?" she asked, confused and dazed. Looking at their tangled bodies. Then he watches her eyes fill with tears and he knew she was remembering the night's events.

"Shhh, we're going to find them. Me and you okay?" he told her and helped up. Letting her smooth out he wrinkled clothes.

"What do you mean me and you?" she asked, brushing the hair from her face and brushed it back with her palm. Tying it back into a messy bun. Little tendrial caressing down her face. So much like the time he had married her. Her hair like this. Her body covered in a vanilla colored silk dress. Her smile radiant as they said the "I do's".

_Somewhere down this road  
I know someone's waiting  
Years of dreams  
Just can't be wrong  
Arms will open wide  
I'll be safe and wanted  
Finally home where I belong_

But he shook himself from those thoughts. We're going to go now……we are going to find the boys ourselves. No Sonny, no Carly, no Sam, us okay. We can do this. Please say yes Courtney," he told her, pleading with her. He needed this, the boys needed this, and somewhere deep down inside of him, and he knew she needed it too.

"I…Jax…my clothes," she said in a rush, moving her hand to massage her shoulder, an unconscious movement that was so Courtney.

"don't worry about him and we'll get what we need while we're there. You're the only one I trust enough for this Courtney, say yes!" He told her, his frustration rising. They needed to leave now. They had to do this before anyone woke up.

_Well, starting here, my life begins  
starting now, I'm learning fast  
Courage see me through  
Heart I'm trusting you  
On this journey...to the past_

"O…okay, let me say goodbye to Carly," she said, moving to go into the room but his hand stopped her.

"No…we can't let them know. We have to go now," and he watched her nod, understanding his point.

If they let the other's know, then they would follow and get in the way, grabbing her hand, the moved to outside and got into the SUV, Jason had arrived in. Watching her move to the passenger side and climb in.

"Do..do you know where the might be," she asked. Her confidence growing, knowing she was doing the right thing,

"No, but we're going to find out and we're going to bring our nephews home," he told he and put the car into to motion. Driving.

* * *

_Heart don't fail me now!  
Courage don't desert me! _

Home, Love, Family  
There was once a time  
I must have had them too  
Home, Love, Family  
I will never be complete  
Until I find you...

The have been driving all day, finally ending up in North Carolina before knowing it was time to stop for sleep. Not much had been said. A few pleasantries and a couple of watch want as they went through drive through. The air was a buzz with electricity, the tension thick.

As Jason turned into a motel, a run down trashy looking one, she grimaced but she knew it would be worth it if this led them anywhere near the boys. Jason parked in the parking lot and got out. Motioning for her to follow him. She crawled out of the seat and did so. Making their way for the entrance and than the front desk. The grubby looking old man looked over Courtney with interested eyes.

Feeling something prickle over her, something that wasn't at all unlike disgust, she moved closer to Jason. Feeling safe when he softly moved his arm around he waist.  
"Can we have a double," he asked quietly. Looking at the old man with cold eyes that held no fear.

"Sorry, all we got in an single….there's a chili cook off in town so every where is booked up. Take it or leave it," the man said in a deadpan tone and Jason tore his eyes away and moved them to Courtney's.

Feeling the electricity passed through them, he was tempted to say leave it, he knew he could never keep his hands off of her. He wasn't strong enough to do that but she nodded her head. God….didn't she know what could happen but when he looked deep into her eyes one more time he knew she knew and he looked back at the aging man.

"We'll take it."

_One step at a time  
One hope, then another  
Who knows where  
This road may go-  
Back to who i was  
On to find my future  
Things my heart still  
Needs to know  
Yes, let this be a sign!  
Let, this road be mine!  
Let it lead me to my past  
Courage see me through  
Heart I'm trusting you  
To bring me home...  
At last!  
At Last!_

* * *

**Author's Note Two**: The song, Journey to the Past is owned by Aaliyah. Just love her! 


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**: My next chappy is up, It is NC-17 (like y'all didn't see that coming, Journey + One Bed – SpamSlut & Jaxass Hot Journey Lovin!) Hope y'all like, I am not best with love scene, so would love to hear what you guys thing.

**Author's Note Two**: As always a huge thanks to Linda for her help!

* * *

**Chapter Five: One Last Time**

All she could think about was the bed, as she changed into the oversized T-shirt that read 'Southerner's do it better!' It was one of the things Jason had picked up at the quickie mart that was next to the motel. It was also where he picked up a few thongs for her and boxers for himself, along with dinner. She could remember how he thrust the bag into her hand with a pink twinge to his cheeks which she would swear was a blush. Brushing her teeth with the toothbrush and toothpaste that was also in the bag with the thongs and T-shirt. She tied her wet hair into a bun once again and secured it with a pin she found in the medicine cabinet. She scalded it with hot water before using it.

Taking a deep breath she moved out into the four-wall room that was covered in cheesy white wallpaper and cheap landscape paintings that hung on the wall. But that was put in the back of her mind when she looked at the small full sized bed that her and her ex-husband would be sharing. Two night tables stood at either side of the bed, each having it's own lamp and bible. This would be where she was going to try, TRY to sleep...but with Jason so near she doubted she would get much.

The spark was still between them. They still felt each other. She still wanted him sexually and probably emotionally, but she couldn't think about any of that. If she did, it would wear on her mind, all night. "Um...you can go," she said quietly.

His eyes raked up and down her body that was only clad in a thong and T-shirt. Her skin prickled with want. Wetness started to pool at the juncture of her thighs. He always had this effect on her... an effect no other man has ever had. Not AJ, not Brian, and not Jax. She wanted to let go of Jason, but she would never be able to...she knew that.

_Is it so hard to believe our hearts  
Are made to be broken by love  
That in constant dying lies  
The beauty of it all  
My darling won't you feel  
The sweet heaven in  
Our endless cry_

"Yeah, uh thanks," he made his way to the bathroom and she watched him. Seeing his tight behind that was in skin hugging jeans, her breath became shallow. She knew his body, every hard inch. Every nook and cranny. God how she missed it.

People say as the years go by the sex life of a couple became lackluster...not as an exciting, but that never happened to them. Their last time making love was just as good and hot as the first time. Maybe even better because they knew each other, loved each other.

Closing her eyes she shook that thought away from her mind. She couldn't think about that now. Moving to the bed, she crawled in and pulled the covers up over her waist. Turning on the TV, she flipped the channels, all 5 of them until she got tired of seeing a rerun of "Fact's of Life," Local news, the weather channel, an episode of "Friends," and a porn movie that sported an over-breasted, petite, and raven haired woman doing things with her mouth that Courtney wouldn't ever dream of doing. (Side-Note: Bet you can't guess whom I was thinking of ;))

Letting out a long sigh, she turned the TV off and watched as Jason came out of the bathroom. Only in boxers, his hard stomach and the happy trail that disappeared beneath the white cotton boxers. She knew what it looked like at the end of that happy trail. A large cck that had loved her many times, over and over again. She looked away quickly, afraid that her lust would show in her eyes.

He moved over to the bed with what looked like a look of fear. Did he feel like she did? Did they both feel the lust that was brewing between them? This couldn't be happening! It couldn't be! No way, no how. He was engaged to the slu...to Sam and she was engaged to Jax. But right now all she could think of was his body over hers.

_Oh at least you could try  
For this one last time _

So amazed how bright are the flames  
We are burning in  
Ever smiled at the tragedies  
We hold inside  
My darling won't you cherish  
The fear of life that keeps  
You and me so alive

"Courtney, uh maybe I should sleep on the floor," he said softly. Looking into her eyes, his gaze slipped a little lower. It landed on her breast and she couldn't help the reaction they had to his gaze. The nipples pebbled into hard points that were begging for his touch. She knew they had to be visible through the flimsy bra and thin t-shirt.

She wanted him, that was all there was to it. She wanted him and she would have him tonight. They would make love one more time tonight. He wanted it too. She could see the bulge forming in his pants. They would do this, get it behind them, and then find their nephews.

"No…tonight we're going to sleep together," she said as she rose up on her knees, moving towards him. Her lips locking with his before he could utter a word, her arms winding around his neck and aligning her body with his.

Soon his tense muscles relaxed and he began to kiss her back. Taking his time moving his tongue over her lips. Nipping and teasing as his hands slid down her shoulders, to her waist, and then to her hips. Bringing her body closer, their hips grinded together as they kissed. They kissed until the need for breath overwhelmed the need for each other. Quickly he pulled the shirt off of her as they tried to catch their breaths.

_Oh at least you could try  
For this one last time  
It could be alright  
For this one last time_

His lips touched her cheeks then, over her chin and down her neck as he undid the front clasp of her bra. She let him do what he liked, let him get to know her body again. Then he moved away from her again and quickly removed his shorts. Letting his erection free, she watched as it stood up and slapped his stomach. She couldn't help but let a small moan escape her lips.

It had been so long since she felt this way. She never felt this way when Jax touched her or AJ. No one made her feel like this but him. He knew every spot that made her arch, moan, groan, and scream. He knew how to tease her, make her want like no other. Only him.

Jason slowly laid her back on the bed and kissed her again. His tongue moved with hers, tangling, and sucking. "You're as beautiful as ever," he whispered against her lips and once again let them move down. Moving them over her chin, neck, and collar bone. Finally reaching her breasts, her nipples pebbled and pouted for his touch.

Then his mouth was on them, flicking and nipping at them. He let his teeth pull and tease them. "Oh Jason," she whispered and gasped when he touched her through her thong, where her juices were pooled. Her hips arched off the bed. "Please," she moaned.

_Oh at least you could try  
(and we just will be closer)  
For this one last time  
(let me fall into your arms)  
It could be alright  
(don't let us grow colder)  
For this one last time  
(let me close to your heart)_

She wanted to feel him sink into her hot core. She wanted to feel him move in and out of her like he used too. She wanted him to take her to the peak and join her in obvilian, She wanted him thrusting into her. His mouth moved back to hers and pushed down her thong. Looking at her naked body, he ran his hands up and down her side. Getting reaquainted with every valley and mountain of her body.

Then, he slowly rose over her and thrust his thick member into her body in one fluid motion. Her muscles gripping him like a vise as they rocked together. They did this so well, so very well. Their lips touched and kissed as they moved together. Their moans and breathing were the only sounds in the room.

The headboard began banging against the wall as he thrust harder and deeper into her core. Her muscles contracted around his cock and soon they both came apart, with a scream. Both of them sated, both of their breathing labored. He used all his energy and rolled off of her and pulled her against his side.

They just did it. They made love for the last time. She had to promised herself that. This would be the last time…..they had to think of Slu….Sam and Jax. This was the last time, no matter how she felt in his arms…no matter how right it felt.

_Oh at least you could try  
(before it's all over)  
For this one last time  
(let me fall into your arms)  
It could be alright  
(before it's all over)  
For this one last time  
(let me close to your heart)_

* * *

**Author's Note Three**: The lyrics "One Last Time." Belongs to HIM. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**: One more little bit of info, to my wonderful beta, Linda, thanks so much for taking the time to read and twirk all of my stories!

**Author's Note Two:** Would love to hear what you think about this song. Had a really hand time picking the lyrics finally just went with a favorite of mine.

* * *

**Chapter Six: Tangled**

_I'm full of regret  
For all the things that I've done and said  
And I don't know if it'll ever be ok to show  
My face around here  
Sometimes I wonder if I disappear_

His eyes slowly parted as the sun hit them and he cursed himself for forgetting to close the curtains last night. Slowly though, he began to remember why he hadn't closed them and scenes filled his foggy mind. Her beneath him, withering with pleasure as he thrust into her and then of her on top of him the wee hours of the morning. It had been amazing, like it always was. Her moans and whimpers were a sound that he would never grow tired of. He would never be able to grow tired of her lush body either.

He turned his head to the side and looked at her angelic form and sighed. Her pale hair was spread out on the pillow and her arms cushioned her head. Her dark eyelashes laid on her pristine cheeks and her breathing was deep and even.

How had he let her slip away like he had? Why hadn't she been with him over the past few months? Letting out another sigh, he began to slip out of the bed, trying his best to make it without a creak from the old bed. When he heard it, he quickly turned to make sure it hadn't awakened her. He wasn't ready to face her yet. What would she think? Would she blame this on him, even if she had come onto him. Would she blame him for not stopping this?

God, he couldn't stand to see disappointment in her eyes, eyes that would be directed at him! Running a weary hand over his face, he moved to the bathroom and got in the shower, hoping it would relieve some stress before he would have to face her.

_Would you ever turn your head and look  
See if I'm gone  
Cause I fear_

_There is nothing left to say to you  
That you wanna hear  
That you wanna know  
I think I should go  
The things I've done are way too shameful_

Courtney awoke when she heard the door shut and winced when the sun hit her still sleep filled eyes. Rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands, she slowly sat up and heard the water running. Glancing at the alarm clock, she saw the time to be almost 10 A.M. She hadn't slept this long in ages.

'Guess not, you haven't made love till dawn in age's old girl,' the voice in the back of her head whispered and all the nights events came flooding back to her. Her wanton behavior and her need for Jason. Her moans and his groans. Their scents mingling together. It all came back to assault her senses.

Oh my goodness, what he must think of her? Her eyes closed in shame and she tried to swallow the tears that flooded her throat. How in the hell was she supposed to face him? She had acted like a complete hussy!

Feeling the white cotton sheet rub against her sensitive nipples, she became aware of her naked state and quickly jumped out of the bed. Grabbing her clothes from yesterday and a brand new thong from the bag he had given her last night. Quickly putting the articles of clothing on. She tried to compose herself. Jason did not need to see her act like a complete wreck.

_Your just an innocent  
Helpless victim of a spiders web  
And I'm an insect  
Going after anything that I can get_

She took 3 deep breaths as she heard the water shut off. She waited for him to come out. When he did, she couldn't look at him so she made a beeline for the bathroom and began to brush out her hair and brush her teeth.

Planting her hands on the cheap surface of the sink, she leaned closer to the mirror. She looked at her pale blue eyes. "Come on Courtney, get control of yourself. You've made love to him before. You can do this," she whispered to herself. Than taking a deep breath and running a hand down her wrinkled clothing she made her way back out there. She watched him sit and look at the stock market results from yesterday.

"How, is uh Sonny and your company doing?" she asked quietly. She moved around to collect what she had used last night. Picking up the room at the same time.

"It didn't fall," was all he said before gathering up his bags. He seemed to have the same problem she was having facing her. It was as if they were first timers, but neither of them were. Hell, it wasn't even their first time together!

"Well, we should go," he told her quietly. He grabbed his wallet and put it down his back pocket.

"Uh, you know they say that is bad for your back," she told him. She remembered a headline she had seen on her AOL Welcome one early morning.

_So you better turn your head and run  
And don't look back  
Cause I fear _

"Really?" he seemed surprised she brought something like that up and for the first time this morning, he looked her in the eyes.

"Yeah, something to do with when you sit. It isn't level," looking up at him and smiling a little. Then she watched him take the wallet from his back pocket and put in the front one. Her smile grew into a grin and they walked out the door to the SUV. They somehow created an understanding between them with a few brief words.

_There is nothing left to say  
To you  
That you wanna hear  
That you wanna know  
I think I should go  
The things I've done are way too shameful oh_

They had been on the road for a few hours when he decided it was time for a break and he pulled into a rest area and told her to meet him at one of the far end picnic tables when she was done taking care of her needs.

A couple of minutes later they both sat under a big oak tree and looked at the pond that was nestled next to the rest area. "It's beautiful here," she whispered and took a bite of the tuna sandwich he had found in a vending machine, along with a ham and cheese sandwich.

"Yeah, I always heard the south was beautiful in the summer time," he told her. He finished his sandwich and crinkled the plastic in a ball and threw it in a nearby trash can.

She did the same and just looked back over at the pond. She remembered what he had said about Barcelona and remembered their wedding in France during fall. Letting out a sigh, her thoughts were interrupted by an annoying ringing sound. She looked at Jason as he went to grab his cell phone that had been sitting next to them.

How many times had that thing rang and ruined a moment between them? How many times had it gotten in the way of them making love? More times then she cared to remember and for some reason, her anger brewed. It was interrupting them again. Suddenly, she felt the need to destroy the object that had been a part of their ruined marriage.

_And I've done you so wrong  
Treated you bad  
Strung you along  
Oh shame on myself  
I don't know how I got so tangled up _

ohhh ohhh ohhh yeah yeah yeah yeah

Quickly, before his hand could grasp it, she picked it up and turned it off. He looked over at her as if she had gone mad. "What are you doing? It might be Sonny," he told her. He reached for the cell phone but she jumped up and moved away.

"**Do you have any idea how many times this stupid thing has interrupted a moment between us? Hell, it's partly to blame for our marriage ending**!" she shouted at him and held the phone behind her body.

"Stop it Courtney! It had nothing to do with the ending of our marriage," he told her calmly. She was having no effect on him. He would be patient and wait for her to give him the phone back which only made her become more angry.

"**You're wrong Jason! It did ruin our marriage or at least played a big part in it! Every time it rang you were gone, no matter the time or day! No matter what I did that night or no matter what we were doing**!" she continued to shout. She said all the things she had longed to say, just as she longed to make love to him.

_You better turn your head and look  
See if I'm gone  
Cause I fear_

His eyes began to become darker and she knew he was finally beginning to let go. "**No Courtney, you betrayed me, you SAVED ALCAZAR**!" his voice rose with each word and his eyes became even more of a violet color.

"**ARE YOU THAT DENSE? I DID IT TO SAVE YOU, NOT HIM**!" she continued to walk backwards as she shouted. The need to destroy the cell phone even more powerful. '

"**I COULD HAVE HANDLED IT! IT WAS MY JOB DAMMIT**!" he steps followed her. He was coming closer and closer to her.

"**JASON, I SAW THAT DAMN CELL PHONE MORE THEN I SAW YOU NAKED! I SAW IT MORE THEN I SAW YOU PERIOD! IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT THE JOB! ABOUT SONNY**," Finally she knew when she hit the edge of the pond and turned around, raising her arm.

_There is nothing left to say to you  
That you wanna hear  
That you wanna know  
I think I should go  
The things I've done are way too shameful_

"**DON'T YOU DARE**!" he shouted but before he could stop her, his cell phone was sinking to the bottom of the pond and she walked over to him, strutting.

"Go get it," she told him. Her voice took on a BEEPy note. But instead of walking towards the pond for the cell phone like she had expected him to. He instead pushed her up against a tree and kissed her deep and hard. It was an angry kiss that bruised her lips and his too.

When he finally pulled away, they both were gasping for breaths and he lifted her chin with his forefinger and looked her in the eyes. "Even if I didn't show it, it was always about you," and slowly began to walk away, towards the car.

_And I've done you so wrong  
Treated you bad  
Strung you along  
Oh shame on myself  
I don't know how I got so tangled up_

* * *

**Author's Note Three**: Tangled by Maroon Five 

**Author's Note Four**: I am not sure when I will be updating, some personal issues have aroused just a hour before I posted this. But I do hope soon and maybe what is going on will get my juices following


End file.
